My Ex Was A Cheapskate

When you care about someone and they’re cheap with you financially and emotionally, it'll do nothing but bring down your self-worth and self-esteem. We learned valuable lessons about equality in relationships and what NOT to put up with. Thanks to all the cheap pricks who made this site possible. We may not have gotten a lot from you, but what we did get is a good laugh. At your expense! Send your story to excheapskate@yahoo.com

Monday, December 12, 2005

Ring! Ring! Cheapskate Playa Gets Called Out

Well, I had my semi-annual phone loss event. This time was pretty nuts, actually, because someone stole my phone and was using it! After getting 3-4 "wrong numbers" from Richmond to my Houston phone, I decided to check my minute details on-line. In the three days since my phone went missing, someone had rung up over 400 minutes-- all to Richmond and NYC phone numbers. I just missed having overage, so no financial harm was done.

Being a bit of dectective, and sort of a confrontational girl to boot, I decided to call some of the people who had been receiving calls and returning calls to my phone. I soon discovered that someone by the nickname of "Boo" had been using my phone, and that he'd been calling mostly girls, all of whom sounded about my age.

I took it upon myself to inform them all (17 of them) that if Boo could not afford his own phone, he could not afford to be talking to so many women--and by the way, he talked to one such woman for 120 minutes at 3 am on Thursday night. Oh, and by the way, I told all but one that "that woman was not you".

Within 15 minutes of chatting with Boo's "friends", I made the acquaintance of Deedee, with whom Boo had logged the most phone hours and who was, as she put it, "supposed to be Boo's main girl." She had suspected that something was going on, but trusted him. She's 23, has a young son, is "too pretty to get played" and is going to school to be a nurse. Boo is going to school to get is GED.

We talked for about an hour about everything-- and she might just be my new best friend. I decided to give Deedee the numbers that stood out--the numbers he'd talked to really late at night, the numbers he'd talked to many times, and the numbers he'd talked to the longest. She swore she'd call him soon with an update.

Soon, a man called me on a private number. He claimed not to be Boo, but to know him. Without getting too angry, he let me know that it was totally reasonable to expect that a lost phone will get hours rung up on it. "If you find a phone," he reasoned with me, "What are you supposed to do, throw it away?" He asked me to stop ruining his life. I explained to him overages cost 35 cents a minute, that I work with Autistic kids for godssake, that sometimes our actions have consequences, and this was not my problem anymore. "DEEDEE," I yelled into the phone, "IS TOO PRETTY TO GET PLAYED, BITCH!"

Shockingly, he didn't call back. Maybe, for once, one of my little lectures hit home. Ay me, Ira Glass, where is my phone tap when I need it? Also, I need all of your phone number again.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Nothing says 'Te Amo' like a 'Yo Quero Taco Bell' stuffed dog

Back in 1999, I was dating an ex-coworker who definitely qualifies as a cheapskate. For Christmas, we exchanged gifts. I had debated for two weeks about what to get him. We had been officially dating for about 8 weeks, but I wanted to get him something nice, despite the brevity of our relationship and my impoverished status courtesy of graduate school. Finally, after taking a boy shopping, I decided: a lovely v-neck black merino wool sweater from Banana Republic. I couldn't afford to shop in Banana at the time, but I figured it was Christmas so I should just get it. It was gorgeous and I thought it would look fabulous on him.So we go to an early Christmas dinner at the beach. We both brought our gifts inside—where the exchange was to occur. He hands me a large shopping bag almost giddy with anticipation. Three unwrapped items were inside. A box of $1.99 chocolate covered cherries from the drug store, a used CD that I had been looking at earlier in the day, and the crowning jewel—a “Yo Quero Taco Bell” stuffed Chihuahua holding a tiny red satin heart. I fake smiled, which isn’t my strength.I then gasped as he opened my perfectly wrapped, satin bow tied, gift. I wondered if I had committed some new boyfriend gift-giving faux paux. He opened it, looked at it, feigned excitement and I promptly handed him the gift receipt. I was annoyed and crushed as I thought it was a thoughtful girlfriend gift and it was the nicest thing I could afford to get him. He was charming and convincing in telling me he loved it and would wear it when we went out next. I never saw the sweater again and was too embarrassed to ask him about it.Fast-forward to Valentine’s Day. He picks me up for our date and is wearing a Raider’s sweatshirt which I find terribly tacky and couldn’t resist asking about where he had obtained it. He said someone bought him an ugly sweater for Christmas but he didn’t know where the store was that it came from so he exchanged it with his cousin for two Raider’s sweatshirts. He proudly attested to the 2 for 1 deal he managed to negotiate and waited for me to chime in to champion his successes as well. By this point in our short-lived relationship, other problems had emerged showing me that our fate was sealed, so I said nothing. Later I actually regretted not telling him he was a cheap bastard who probably got screwed on his two for one deal.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

At The Beep, Please Leave A Message...

Oh my god. I saw your site and I just had to write about my now ex-boyfriend. We knew each other for 14 years and were the best of friends before we started dating. I was unemployed and he had a contract job that he needed my help on. He said he'd pay me $1,000.00 for the work. I completed my work and he came out to stay with me for a month. As soon as he got in I asked, "Where is my money?" He writes me a check for $600.00. He said he had to keep the rest for taxes. I saidm, "So you know I have no money and you're going to keep the rest of my money?" He looks away all uncomfortable but refuses to give me the rest of my money. THEN he has the nerve to try to have sex with me. Needless to say, I 86'ed him. He asked me why I broke up with him on his answering machine. I told him because he is a damn cheapskate and I didn't want to waste my long distance money actually talking to him. By the way - he was cheap with everything. His expensive house was falling apart because he was too cheap to fix anything. He tried to fix a leak on his roof himself to save money and water ended up leaking into his house and costing him more money to fix. Thanks for letting me vent.

Magic Kingdom Fills Court Clown/Jester Position

My husband is so friggin' cheap, he just makes me want to puke!! Yesterday, we went to Disneyland for my birthday. My husband had to stop at the ATM before we got on the road. He turned to me and asked me how much money I had on me. I told him I had $15.00 dollars. He had a stupid and puzzled expression on his face. This clown had the nerve to ask me how I was getting into Disneyland. I said "Well, it's my birthday weekend, aren't you paying?" He told me no, he could only afford to pay for his own ticket!!! Naturally, I was outraged. He said, "I can't believe you're getting all bent out of shape over this." I tried to explain to this totally clueless man, that when a wife tells her husband that she wants to go someplace for her birthday, and he agrees to take her, there is an unspoken assumption that HE is going to pay!! That is, if he's a real man!! Anyway, we get into this huge arguement. My cheap ass husband tried to turn the tables on me by saying that we need more communication in our relationship, and if we had talked about this beforehand, there wouldn't have been any misunderstanding on my part. Can you BELIEVE that crap?!!! The ONLY understanding that I have is that he's CHEAP, CHEAP, CHEAP!!!!!!! After we got to Disneyland, I ended up paying for the parking, as well as my own ticket to get in. Thank goodness I always have my ATM card. The tickets were only $56.00. He knew when my birthday was coming, so he's without excuse. His birthday is in a few months, and I'm going to make it my business to outcheap HIM!!!!!!! Cheap Jerk!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Jersey boys have some 'xplaining to do

About 6 years ago I met this fella named Joel from New Jersey at the Philadelphia Folk Festival. We dated for a while long distance and for Christmas exchanged gifts. I was totally caught up on this guy and wanted to impress him with how GREAT my taste in gifts were.

I got him a leather bound, first edition, SIGNED copy of "Bagombo Snuff Box" by none other than Kurt Vonnegut and a set of pint glasses for his new house.

I received the following: (I WISH I was kidding...)
A used CD by Wanderlust
A paperback FROM HIS BOOKSHELF on meditation
His favorite t-shirt

I was honestly sick to my stomach and wanted to steal the book back before I left. I can't believe he could ACTUALLY accept the gift I gave him, knowing he had given me HEARTLESS crap in return. Creep.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Avid Diver Fails to Find Love in a Dumpster

My ex would never buy anything new. Actually, he wouldn't even buy anything used. It's not that he didn't make enough money, because he made plenty. He just didn't want to spend it. He was so cheap all of the furniture in his apartment was either mine or something he found. The worst of it was his couch. He had found by a dumpster and it was the crappiest couch ever. Well, he always had to sit in "his spot" on the couch and I had to sit on the other side. One day his side of the couch broke. What did he do? Took my side and made me sit in the broken spot! Ugh.

When I came to get my stuff a few months after we broke up, the couch was completely broken and he was sitting in a chair... that he found by the dumpster.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

DIRTYWEEKENDERS in BITCH MAGAZINE!

Thas rite! Bitch Magazine - Feminist Response to Pop Culture, one of the three pillars in the triumvirate of awesome women's magazines (BUST, VENUS and BITCH) published our article on Page 18 of their Summer 2005 issue. It's titled, 'The Seven Deadly Cliches of Sin City'.

We're not only outing cheapskates - we're outing Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller for perpetuating tired cliches about power and relationships between men and women.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Man Decides on Definition of Independant Woman

My ex, Mike, was really anal about money from the get-go. He kept harping on how it's the 21st century and how an Independant Woman should be able to pay her way. We always went Dutch on everything. Sometimes I even just flat out paid cos I didn't want to be figuring out a bill at IHOP! We dated for a little over a month. After we broke up, he sent me a letter that detailed all he had spent on me, flowers, cards, gas, prime time cell phone minutes---everything. I sent him a bill back which quadrapuled his and included all the expenses on my part for our dates; outfits I bought, make-up, nails, primping time etc. as well as the additional costs that I incurred at my sister's couch getting advice. Needless to say, I never heard from him again.