Nothing says 'Te Amo' like a 'Yo Quero Taco Bell' stuffed dog

Back in 1999, I was dating an ex-coworker who definitely qualifies as a cheapskate. For Christmas, we exchanged gifts. I had debated for two weeks about what to get him. We had been officially dating for about 8 weeks, but I wanted to get him something nice, despite the brevity of our relationship and my impoverished status courtesy of graduate school. Finally, after taking a boy shopping, I decided: a lovely v-neck black merino wool sweater from Banana Republic. I couldn't afford to shop in Banana at the time, but I figured it was Christmas so I should just get it. It was gorgeous and I thought it would look fabulous on him.So we go to an early Christmas dinner at the beach. We both brought our gifts inside—where the exchange was to occur. He hands me a large shopping bag almost giddy with anticipation. Three unwrapped items were inside. A box of $1.99 chocolate covered cherries from the drug store, a used CD that I had been looking at earlier in the day, and the crowning jewel—a “Yo Quero Taco Bell” stuffed Chihuahua holding a tiny red satin heart. I fake smiled, which isn’t my strength.I then gasped as he opened my perfectly wrapped, satin bow tied, gift. I wondered if I had committed some new boyfriend gift-giving faux paux. He opened it, looked at it, feigned excitement and I promptly handed him the gift receipt. I was annoyed and crushed as I thought it was a thoughtful girlfriend gift and it was the nicest thing I could afford to get him. He was charming and convincing in telling me he loved it and would wear it when we went out next. I never saw the sweater again and was too embarrassed to ask him about it.Fast-forward to Valentine’s Day. He picks me up for our date and is wearing a Raider’s sweatshirt which I find terribly tacky and couldn’t resist asking about where he had obtained it. He said someone bought him an ugly sweater for Christmas but he didn’t know where the store was that it came from so he exchanged it with his cousin for two Raider’s sweatshirts. He proudly attested to the 2 for 1 deal he managed to negotiate and waited for me to chime in to champion his successes as well. By this point in our short-lived relationship, other problems had emerged showing me that our fate was sealed, so I said nothing. Later I actually regretted not telling him he was a cheap bastard who probably got screwed on his two for one deal.