My Ex Was A Cheapskate

Ring! Ring! Cheapskate Playa Gets Called Out

2005-12-12T15:22:00.000-08:00

Well, I had my semi-annual phone loss event. This time was pretty nuts, actually, because someone stole my phone and was using it! After getting 3-4 "wrong numbers" from Richmond to my Houston phone, I decided to check my minute details on-line. In the three days since my phone went missing, someone had rung up over 400 minutes-- all to Richmond and NYC phone numbers. I just missed having overage, so no financial harm was done.

Being a bit of dectective, and sort of a confrontational girl to boot, I decided to call some of the people who had been receiving calls and returning calls to my phone. I soon discovered that someone by the nickname of "Boo" had been using my phone, and that he'd been calling mostly girls, all of whom sounded about my age.

I took it upon myself to inform them all (17 of them) that if Boo could not afford his own phone, he could not afford to be talking to so many women--and by the way, he talked to one such woman for 120 minutes at 3 am on Thursday night. Oh, and by the way, I told all but one that "that woman was not you".

Within 15 minutes of chatting with Boo's "friends", I made the acquaintance of Deedee, with whom Boo had logged the most phone hours and who was, as she put it, "supposed to be Boo's main girl." She had suspected that something was going on, but trusted him. She's 23, has a young son, is "too pretty to get played" and is going to school to be a nurse. Boo is going to school to get is GED.

We talked for about an hour about everything-- and she might just be my new best friend. I decided to give Deedee the numbers that stood out--the numbers he'd talked to really late at night, the numbers he'd talked to many times, and the numbers he'd talked to the longest. She swore she'd call him soon with an update.

Soon, a man called me on a private number. He claimed not to be Boo, but to know him. Without getting too angry, he let me know that it was totally reasonable to expect that a lost phone will get hours rung up on it. "If you find a phone," he reasoned with me, "What are you supposed to do, throw it away?" He asked me to stop ruining his life. I explained to him overages cost 35 cents a minute, that I work with Autistic kids for godssake, that sometimes our actions have consequences, and this was not my problem anymore. "DEEDEE," I yelled into the phone, "IS TOO PRETTY TO GET PLAYED, BITCH!"

Shockingly, he didn't call back. Maybe, for once, one of my little lectures hit home. Ay me, Ira Glass, where is my phone tap when I need it? Also, I need all of your phone number again.

Nothing says 'Te Amo' like a 'Yo Quero Taco Bell' stuffed dog

2005-11-28T10:31:00.000-08:00

Back in 1999, I was dating an ex-coworker who definitely qualifies as a cheapskate. For Christmas, we exchanged gifts. I had debated for two weeks about what to get him. We had been officially dating for about 8 weeks, but I wanted to get him something nice, despite the brevity of our relationship and my impoverished status courtesy of graduate school. Finally, after taking a boy shopping, I decided: a lovely v-neck black merino wool sweater from Banana Republic. I couldn't afford to shop in Banana at the time, but I figured it was Christmas so I should just get it. It was gorgeous and I thought it would look fabulous on him.So we go to an early Christmas dinner at the beach. We both brought our gifts inside—where the exchange was to occur. He hands me a large shopping bag almost giddy with anticipation. Three unwrapped items were inside. A box of $1.99 chocolate covered cherries from the drug store, a used CD that I had been looking at earlier in the day, and the crowning jewel—a “Yo Quero Taco Bell” stuffed Chihuahua holding a tiny red satin heart. I fake smiled, which isn’t my strength.I then gasped as he opened my perfectly wrapped, satin bow tied, gift. I wondered if I had committed some new boyfriend gift-giving faux paux. He opened it, looked at it, feigned excitement and I promptly handed him the gift receipt. I was annoyed and crushed as I thought it was a thoughtful girlfriend gift and it was the nicest thing I could afford to get him. He was charming and convincing in telling me he loved it and would wear it when we went out next. I never saw the sweater again and was too embarrassed to ask him about it.Fast-forward to Valentine’s Day. He picks me up for our date and is wearing a Raider’s sweatshirt which I find terribly tacky and couldn’t resist asking about where he had obtained it. He said someone bought him an ugly sweater for Christmas but he didn’t know where the store was that it came from so he exchanged it with his cousin for two Raider’s sweatshirts. He proudly attested to the 2 for 1 deal he managed to negotiate and waited for me to chime in to champion his successes as well. By this point in our short-lived relationship, other problems had emerged showing me that our fate was sealed, so I said nothing. Later I actually regretted not telling him he was a cheap bastard who probably got screwed on his two for one deal.

At The Beep, Please Leave A Message...

2005-11-22T10:03:00.000-08:00

Oh my god. I saw your site and I just had to write about my now ex-boyfriend. We knew each other for 14 years and were the best of friends before we started dating. I was unemployed and he had a contract job that he needed my help on. He said he'd pay me $1,000.00 for the work. I completed my work and he came out to stay with me for a month. As soon as he got in I asked, "Where is my money?" He writes me a check for $600.00. He said he had to keep the rest for taxes. I saidm, "So you know I have no money and you're going to keep the rest of my money?" He looks away all uncomfortable but refuses to give me the rest of my money. THEN he has the nerve to try to have sex with me. Needless to say, I 86'ed him. He asked me why I broke up with him on his answering machine. I told him because he is a damn cheapskate and I didn't want to waste my long distance money actually talking to him. By the way - he was cheap with everything. His expensive house was falling apart because he was too cheap to fix anything. He tried to fix a leak on his roof himself to save money and water ended up leaking into his house and costing him more money to fix. Thanks for letting me vent.

Magic Kingdom Fills Court Clown/Jester Position

2005-11-22T09:52:00.000-08:00

My husband is so friggin' cheap, he just makes me want to puke!! Yesterday, we went to Disneyland for my birthday. My husband had to stop at the ATM before we got on the road. He turned to me and asked me how much money I had on me. I told him I had $15.00 dollars. He had a stupid and puzzled expression on his face. This clown had the nerve to ask me how I was getting into Disneyland. I said "Well, it's my birthday weekend, aren't you paying?" He told me no, he could only afford to pay for his own ticket!!! Naturally, I was outraged. He said, "I can't believe you're getting all bent out of shape over this." I tried to explain to this totally clueless man, that when a wife tells her husband that she wants to go someplace for her birthday, and he agrees to take her, there is an unspoken assumption that HE is going to pay!! That is, if he's a real man!! Anyway, we get into this huge arguement. My cheap ass husband tried to turn the tables on me by saying that we need more communication in our relationship, and if we had talked about this beforehand, there wouldn't have been any misunderstanding on my part. Can you BELIEVE that crap?!!! The ONLY understanding that I have is that he's CHEAP, CHEAP, CHEAP!!!!!!! After we got to Disneyland, I ended up paying for the parking, as well as my own ticket to get in. Thank goodness I always have my ATM card. The tickets were only $56.00. He knew when my birthday was coming, so he's without excuse. His birthday is in a few months, and I'm going to make it my business to outcheap HIM!!!!!!! Cheap Jerk!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jersey boys have some 'xplaining to do

2005-08-18T11:35:00.000-07:00

About 6 years ago I met this fella named Joel from New Jersey at the Philadelphia Folk Festival. We dated for a while long distance and for Christmas exchanged gifts. I was totally caught up on this guy and wanted to impress him with how GREAT my taste in gifts were.

I got him a leather bound, first edition, SIGNED copy of "Bagombo Snuff Box" by none other than Kurt Vonnegut and a set of pint glasses for his new house.

I received the following: (I WISH I was kidding...)
A used CD by Wanderlust
A paperback FROM HIS BOOKSHELF on meditation
His favorite t-shirt

I was honestly sick to my stomach and wanted to steal the book back before I left. I can't believe he could ACTUALLY accept the gift I gave him, knowing he had given me HEARTLESS crap in return. Creep.

Avid Diver Fails to Find Love in a Dumpster

2005-07-20T09:07:00.000-07:00

My ex would never buy anything new. Actually, he wouldn't even buy anything used. It's not that he didn't make enough money, because he made plenty. He just didn't want to spend it. He was so cheap all of the furniture in his apartment was either mine or something he found. The worst of it was his couch. He had found by a dumpster and it was the crappiest couch ever. Well, he always had to sit in "his spot" on the couch and I had to sit on the other side. One day his side of the couch broke. What did he do? Took my side and made me sit in the broken spot! Ugh.

When I came to get my stuff a few months after we broke up, the couch was completely broken and he was sitting in a chair... that he found by the dumpster.

DIRTYWEEKENDERS in BITCH MAGAZINE!

2005-07-12T08:02:00.000-07:00

Thas rite! Bitch Magazine - Feminist Response to Pop Culture, one of the three pillars in the triumvirate of awesome women's magazines (BUST, VENUS and BITCH) published our article on Page 18 of their Summer 2005 issue. It's titled, 'The Seven Deadly Cliches of Sin City'.

We're not only outing cheapskates - we're outing Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller for perpetuating tired cliches about power and relationships between men and women.

Man Decides on Definition of Independant Woman

2005-06-23T11:16:00.000-07:00

My ex, Mike, was really anal about money from the get-go. He kept harping on how it's the 21st century and how an Independant Woman should be able to pay her way. We always went Dutch on everything. Sometimes I even just flat out paid cos I didn't want to be figuring out a bill at IHOP! We dated for a little over a month. After we broke up, he sent me a letter that detailed all he had spent on me, flowers, cards, gas, prime time cell phone minutes---everything. I sent him a bill back which quadrapuled his and included all the expenses on my part for our dates; outfits I bought, make-up, nails, primping time etc. as well as the additional costs that I incurred at my sister's couch getting advice. Needless to say, I never heard from him again.

Drive-Thru Depreciation

2005-06-13T19:01:00.000-07:00

From Christine.

Wait a second -- does your husband KNOW about your blog???

***

"I am a very generous person. Since, dear readers, you don't know me, you'll just have to take my word for it. I give liberally to charity, overtip and spoil my family members with expensive gifts. I love spending money. Fortunately, I do have some self control and manage to save an acceptable portion of my income before I do my on line shopping or splurge on the latest Prada accessory.

My husband John and I do not share money which I have mentioned before. As his contribution to the household, he pays the utilities each month. Mainly because I refuse to support him totally. It is the principal of the thing.

Anyway, John benefits greatly from my generous spirit and love for spending and gift giving. Not only do I feed and cloth him, I have given him thousands of dollars worth of music equipment and paid for expensive vacations. On occasion, this practice does make me a bit bitter. Especially when it is just assumed that I am picking up the check every where we go. Last night to celebrate my daughter's kindergarten graduation (yea Anna!!), we went to dinner at a nice seafood restaurant in town. As we were driving, I mentally decided that John was picking up the tab for the nights festivities.

"Are you ready to order" inquired the server glancing at me.

"Yes, John replied. "I will have the lobster tail with a side of crap legs, a side salad with blue cheese dressing and can I see a wine list?"

I bend over and whisper to John, "I didn't bring my wallet so dinner's on you tonight". Okay so I lied, sue me.

"Ummm, waiter, I changed my mind, I will have the fish and chips and water with lemon" John corrected rapidly.

"And Madam, have you decided?"

"Yes, I will have what he originally ordered, that sounded delicious".

Bargain Basement Boom Box & Tawdry Teddy

2005-06-13T18:50:00.000-07:00

An addendum to S.'s post:

"I'm the one whose ex-husband took me to Burger King on our wedding day. I also should've mentioned that while we were dating, he only gave me stolen gifts. He worked at the ship store on the navy boat. He stole me a teddy bear and a cd walkman. For Christmas, he had his friend charge a boom box for me on his credit card and he never paid him back. A few months later, he wanted me to give it back because his friend was bugging him, Instead, I carved my initials in it and told him "Oh sorry, I don't think he can return it.".

***

Now, us Dirty Weekenders wish we could say, "Oh, we would have never put up with that!" and stick our little noses in the air. But we DID. Both of us. So dear readers, please do not fall into the same traps that some of the best of us do. Ditch these decidely dud-like dudes before they squeeze every last penny out of you and damage your self respect!

Her Cheap Ex Husband

2005-06-13T18:45:00.000-07:00

From S: Ex-husbands count too, right?

Dirty Weekenders: Hell yeah they count. Exs of any variety (and also, any gender) count!

Her sad tale:

"Let me tell you about our wedding day. First of all, he only married me because he was in the Navy and he wanted to make the extra money- of which I never saw a dime. On our wedding day, we both worked. Around 5 pm, we had a minister and his wife as a witness come to our apartment to marry us. We didn't tell any family or friends. After we were married, the cheap son of a bitch took me to BURGER KING for a 99cent whopper. I'm not kidding you. Then, the next day, he had to leave on a 2 month cruise. I had just moved to Virginia to be with him and I had no job yet, or friends or family there. He stocked the cabinets with things like ramen noodles and rice and beans, and he left me with FIVE dollars for anything else I might need for two months! I wasn't allowed to use his precious car. I had to walk up the highway and apply for jobs until I found one. He never paid for us to get the phone turned on, so I had to go to a payphone everyday and call to see if I was hired. I had to bring Ramen noodles to work everyday for lunch and eat rice and beans until I received my first paycheck 2 weeks later. Oh, I could go on and on, but that's the best example of how cheap he was. I'm proud to call him my EX-husband!"

A Cheap Musician Boyfriend? NO WAY!

2005-06-09T19:12:00.000-07:00

Ah, musicians...on with the drummer jokes.

From our friend, Janet:

"My ex, who is a solo musician and artist in Chicago and 39 when we were dating, was a total cheapskate. We always split the bill every time we went out to eat, which was fine with me, but this one time we were at a restuarant and I put down a twenty, and he said, "Thanks for dinner." Just like that. Like he assumed that I was paying. Then he decided to be nice and take me out -- to Popeye's for $3.99 fried chicken. It was good, and we went back to his place to wind down. He asked me for a back rub and I told him "Later." Then, he raised his eyebrow and reminded me that he paid for dinner. I stopped taking his calls not too long after that."

Give Us Some Luv, Ya'll!

2005-06-08T12:15:00.000-07:00

Did I say something wrong? Is it me? Do I smell funny? Seriously – we need your stories. I mean, we’ve had bad stuff happen to us, but we want to hear from YOU! We’re bored! Send us tales of woe, ladiez! Oh, we know you have them. Don't lie to us!
Email us at excheapskate@yahoo.com

Cows? Milk? What?

2005-05-27T05:53:00.000-07:00

Book Recommendation: The Bitch In The House, Edited by Cathi Hanauer

This collection of essays on motherhood, marriage and relationships has a nice chunk of writing on the negotiation of living situations and financial relationships with boyfriends who don’t pay the rent. I found it, for the most part, a well-written and insightful book overall. Worth checking out. Here’s a sample:

From Veronica Chambers “Getting the Milk For Free”:

“For all intents and purposes, we were living together. But he never paid rent or contributed to the food bills or utilities.

In retrospect, I can see how it might seem that I was blatantly being bamboozled. But the fact was that my boyfriend was very sweet and not the least bit conniving. He could barely pay the rent on his own apartment; his parents frequently chipped in to prevent eviction. So how, I asked myself, could I ask him to contribute to – much less split – my own sizable rent? I love him, I would remind myself. I was him to eat my food and spend each night with me. So I offered everything and asked for nothing and told myself that I was being the perfect girlfriend.

The truth is that I never knew how to ask him for what I wanted, for what was fair. The only thing I knew to do with a man was what I’d learned from my parents: to fight or not fight. I had no idea how to craft a partnership beyond that one basic thing. What’s more, discussing finances of asking for help around the house seemed very minor compared to the Important Things. My boyfriend didn’t hit me, he didn’t yell at me. What more could I ask? The only thing taking a beating was my checking account.

Of course, after a while, it all came around; by underwriting our relationship so drastically, I wasn’t giving my boyfriend a chance to be my partner and I began to resent the imbalances…He reminded me that our living together, as it was, was my idea. He said he wouldn’t clean my apartment because he had his own apartment/studio to worry about. He wouldn’t pay for risotto and top of the line Parmesan; at his apartment, he reminded me, he ate Kraft Macaroni and cheese and that was just fine….If I wanted to enjoy certain things, I had to pay for them…”

Save Money, Take Spit-Baths

2005-05-25T08:46:00.000-07:00

Thanks to our sweet-smellin' pal for sending this in!

I was engaged to my high school sweetheart for a year. He was stationed at Cherry Point and I lived about 3 hours away and would visit on the weekends. During the week we would talk on the phone; one day I call and get a disconnect message. When I next spoke to him I asked what happened and he told me he couldn’t pay the bill. I asked why and he replied “the Marine Corps doesn’t pay me enough”. Um, yeah, okay.

During one of my visits I’m taking a shower and I realize there’s no soap. So I call out to him to get me a bar and he says he's out of soap. Out of soap? He asked, “Do you really need soap?” Um, YEAH! I demanded that he find me some soap and he returns with a bottle of dishwashing liquid. Just what the hell was HE using to bathe during the week???

The last straw came at Christmas. He gave me this spiel about being broke and he was so sorry and I told him that Christmas wasn’t about the gifts but the thought so it was okay. He still wanted to get me something so he got me a Def Leppard t-shirt for $9.99. We then went into a music store and he plunked down $99 CASH for a new guitar pedal. His excuse? “I need this; I sound like shit!”

Between his poor budgeting skills, him continually getting money from his mom and his thoughtlessness I ended the relationship and gave him his ring back

Occupation: Being champions

2005-05-23T12:20:00.000-07:00

Oh yes, friends. We have freaking ARRIVED.

We'd like to thank *sniff* our families, friends, our lame ex's for giving us such great material to write about, Bust magazine and its readers and everyone else who has made this honor possible.

http://www.bust.com/girlweb/Ratings/

Thanks everyone!

xoxo
Bella & Bella
the dirtyweekenders

Grave Robber

2005-05-23T08:33:00.000-07:00

I dated this guy for about 6 months. We occasionally went out to dinner (3 times !!!!), and even went to a movie. Once. Well, he rented a movie and we watched it at my house. I was finished wasting my time and decided to have a heart to heart with him about how women like to receive flowers on occasions or a card to just simply say "Thinking Of You". The next week he had planned an actual date with me. Dinner AND a movie. Wow! He told me that he would be at my house at 4:30 and arrived 30 minutes late. I saw him getting out of the car and noticed he had flowers. As I stood in the doorway watching him come up the walkway I began to cry...tears of joy that he had thought of me. I pulled the card off of the arrangement. The card read "With our deepest sympathy, signed XXXXX". Looking in the local newspaper last year I read his wedding announcement...two months later his fathers obituary. Hmmm....I wonder if his new wife received flowers that day.

All Money, No Class

2005-05-20T12:32:00.000-07:00

I have many stories about my ex-boyfriend, (Prince Fancy Lad), but this is my favorite.

We'd been dating 7 months when he took me out for my 25th birthday. He'd already given me a present-a sweatshirt-that I guess was kind of sentimental because it was exactly like the one I always wore at his apartment. Still, not very romantic. So we go to this restaurant, which is fine, but nowhere special. Low-priced food, etc. Since I'm not a gold-digger, I didn't think much of it. Then he gave me another present- a book. Ok. But then he was really quiet, so I asked him what he was thinking about, and he said, "How much all of this is costing me." Asshole!

His family is royalty in Thailand, he has the largest savings account of anyone under 50 that I know of, and his parents funded his graduate school studies. Give me a break! I broke up with him two days later.

You Don't Bring Me Flowers...

2005-05-16T19:28:00.000-07:00

...You don't sing me love songs. Well, that's what Willy would say anyway. Check out this tale of woe from our friend, J:

I ran into my ex-cheapskate last weekend. It was a rough breakup but I've
come to terms. He wanted to let me know how much I had taught him about
the little things in a relationship (he has a new victim...). I asked,
"What kind of little things?" "Oh, you know...just little suprises to let
her know I'm thinking of her." Trying not to smack him (this is a man
who "forgot" my b-day, x-mas, valentines, and cheated on me to cap
off our one-year anniversary.  Needless to say there was no second)
I asked "Like what?" He said, "Well, I was grocery shopping the day
after Mother's  Day, and there were all these discount flowers, so
I got her some." He is looking at me like a four year old that finally
got the hang of potty training. "So you got your girl discount flowers?" 
He faltered, "Yeah, I mean they weren't dying or anything, and hey what's
wrong with saving money AND making her happy?" I inquire if he is going
to marry her. He isn't sure, but then informs me she let him move in with
her, allowing him to rent out his house and make money off their rela-
tionship.  Then he asked me to buy him a beer, and let me know her
house is worth a half-million. I bought him the beer out of nostalgia
and wished him well.

Take off the love-goggles! That isnt the sparkle of love in his eyes,
it's little dollar signs! It's nice when you get past the hurt and
just see them for the ex-cheapskates they are.

VOTE FOR US ON BUST!

2005-05-16T09:57:00.000-07:00

Excheapskate is the Editor's pick on Bust Magazine's Web site! Thassss riiite! Just look at the first page of the site: www.bust.com

If you want to show us your love, vote for us! Go to the link below and click on Rate It and give it up for the dirtyweekenders.

http://www.bust.com/cgi-bin/links/search.cgi?query=excheapskate

xoxo

My Space!

2005-05-16T08:29:00.000-07:00

Please join our My Space Friends List!!!

http://www.myspace.com/myexwasacheapskate

The Ghost Of Christmas Present(s)

2005-05-16T08:26:00.000-07:00

This last story inspired me to write my own, which isn’t as funny, but perhaps puts an interesting spin on the “cheapskate” moniker because my cheapskate ex accused me of being a cheapskate. Christmas was, for my ex and I, the final nail in the coffin of an already waning relationship. I was in Europe (on tour) for three weeks and got home December 26th. Because space, time and money where quite limited while I was on tour, I bought a bunch of small gifts that I felt were thoughtful from the different countries I had visited.

Obviously, not being home, I wasn’t able to go through the more strenuous holiday preparations I went through in previous years – something I always enjoyed. In my absence, my ex had, to my surprise, really put a lot of effort in decorating. He bought a tree, put up lights and wrapped presents. I was shocked as this wasn’t really the type of stuff he normally did. But I was impressed. After all those years when I made the effort, I felt like he was getting it! He was doing something nice for me! Everything seemed fine.

About two weeks later, after a fight – about what I no longer remember (though most likely about him not cleaning the house…ever), he wrote me a long letter in which he detailed what he felt all my transgressions for the past two years of the relationship. I don’t know if this was just a running list in his head or if he had been keeping notes, but just about everything from my appearance to wrong things I had said years ago were covered. But the worst thing about this letter was that he had felt that my Christmas gifts didn’t match up to his – that he was “disappointed” in the money and time I had spent. When I mentioned that I had been out of town for the entire previous month, he said that I should have planned in advance for that. When I mentioned that I had, for the four previous years put an incredible effort into Christmas and his birthday, while I felt he had shown considerably less interest in mine – that didn’t matter. For the first time in the relationship, he had spent more money than I and he didn’t like it! And all this after years of letting me cook, do the housework, schedule and pay for plumbers, electricians, insurance and repairs to the house he was living in (while allowing him to pay ¼ of the cost of living there). I felt so insulted that I had been called a cheapskate…by the damned cheapskate!

Well, everything went downhill from there. We never recovered from that – and thank god too. I realized shortly after the breakup that I had dodged a bullet. In the following year and a half, I met a wonderful man who is a caring and equal partner, both emotionally and financially. People, don’t underestimate yourself and don’t settle for less. If it feels wrong to you, it probably *is* wrong. Get out while you can.

Screwed by a Scrooge

2005-05-11T08:14:00.000-07:00

MUCH LUV and THANKS TO MORAG_EYRIE FOR THIS STORY:

I enjoy your blog- feels good to know I'm not the only otherwise strong intelligent woman who fell for a wanker. This guy I will call Mr. Rabbit, because he and his ex-girlfriend (theone before me) call each other Mr. and Mrs. R., and the R stands forRabbit.

Mr. Rabbit made clear well before Christmas that he was terrified of buying me bad gifts, and could I tell him what I wanted? My first response was"What? You want me to do the emotional labour of thinking about your gifts, and gifts for everyone else I'm buying for, and do YOUR emotional labour too?" It should be noted that at this time I was also spending an inordinate amount of time trying to sort out contraception because Mr. Rabbit refused to learn to wear a condom - an outrageous thing in this day and age for a man of nearly40. (Don't worry- I never had unsafe sex with him in the end).

I relented a bit as Christmas approached though, and gave him clear guidelines on what NOT to buy for a woman: 1. No sexy lingerie 2. No kitchen stuff 3. No football team merchandise (unless she's an avid fan and it's merchandise for her team). I asked him if he could see the common link between the three. He couldn't. I told him "Because they are all about YOU! Sexy lingerie to turn you on in bed, kitchen stuff to cook for you, and, well, need I go on?" I also dropped some massive hints and mentioned specifically: Johnny Cash Live at San Quentin DVD, a watch, a purse....I reassured him that I didn't mean an expensive watch or purse...just anything funky, glittery, colourful, unusually shaped...such can often be had for around £10.

Now, we were in fact getting on really well in the month leading up to Christmas- he'd visited Glasgow and we'd had a fantastic time- I was really starting to fall for this guy. I bought him some nice presents: a portable DVD player, a fluffy dressing gown from his football team's website (he needed one), a book he'd expressed an interest in reading, some chocolate body paint for us to play with, a box of really special chocolates. I got: a plastic cat keychain, two rubber duckies to play with in the bath (I guess), one of those little wooden cats with the long tailthat you put your rings on at night (I already have one, which he has seen by my bed), Aveda body wash, and the final and appalling indignity: a Joss Stone CD.

Mr. Rabbit only likes techno, and so probably thinks there is someconnection between commercial, soul-less white soul sung by a16-year-old pretending to have life experience (I don't evenparticularly like GOOD soul music) and the kind of music I like. Buthe knows how ignorant he is in this area and his flatmate has the same taste as me, so he could've asked him.

He said we could go out shopping and exchange it and that if what I wanted was more expensive, he would pay the difference. When we went shopping to exchange the CD, he shopped for a stereo amp for himself- generally looking in the £250-£300 range.

We got to the bit of Brighton known as "The Lanes" which is where there are alot of very funky and wonderful shops… but he whizzed through thesewith me trailing behind, having palpitations at all the great shops Iwas missing. When I did try to stop, he acted so impatient it wasn't much fun. We finally got to the record shop and I was feeling rather low and cold from traipsing round while he shopped only for himself. He gave me the receipt for the CD- so I saw that it had been incredibly cheap. I assumed this was another rushed visit so went straight in and bought the first CD I found– it was £6 more than the Joss Stone CD- something which would have been blindingly obvious to him when I showed him what I'd chosen, but he let me pay the extra myself. He came over to me with a great find: my favourite film by my favourite filmmakers (Miller'sCrossing by the Coen Brothers) on DVD with special extras, on sale! My face must've really lit up- the perfect gift for me! Then it sunk inthat he was buying it for himself. I swallowed my disappointment and asked where he'd got it, saying I wanted one too. He said: "It's the last one."

As he went to buy it I felt tears welling up and went outside to get it together- not quickly enough because he came out and demanded to know why I was tearful. So, after we had all that out when we got home, he said we could go back to The Lanes on the 2nd Jan. and shop there properly and that I could get a nice extra Christmas gift there. We went out on the 2nd and again looked for stereo amps for him. He slowed down a bit and I got to go into a few shops- there was a comics shop where I found the first 4 issues of the new Love and Rockets, and showed them to him. Nothing. Bought them myself. Went over to a rack he was looking at and found the graphicnovel In the Shadow of No Towers, Art Spiegelman's lauded depiction of September 11th. I picked it up and made a big show of ooh-ing andaah-ing. "So this is the kind of thing you like then?" said he. "Yes, " said I. Nothing. All I heard from him that first week in January was a complaint that it had cost him £35 to speak to me from Budapest. He still owed me £80 for the contraceptives I was forced to buy because he won't use a condom, plus I had my own mobile phone charges for those calls. So then, reader, I dumped him.

I've heard all the stories in the (British) media and from women about how terrible men are at buying gifts,how they can't help it, it's hard wired, etc. Crap. It's not hardwired - it's all about empathy and putting yourself in another's shoes. It's about making an effort to show someone you care about that you know them and love them. It is the thought (not the money) that counts… but that means there has to be thought. I'm not talking here about the minor fuckups we all make when gift buying, I'm talking about a serious lack of consideration for another human being. I have a male friend who acknowledges that he may have Asperger's Syndrome, and he managed to get an appropriate gift for his girlfriend for Christmas - not the most romantic of gifts- but it showed clear understanding of his partner's interests and values, and a degree of effort in the obtaining thereof.

Hope you can use this. I feel a bit silly that I didn't dump him sooner, but hey, hormones are powerful drugs.

Theme Songs For Break Ups

2005-05-10T14:18:00.000-07:00

I think if we dirtyweekenders had a theme song, it would be Holly Golightly's "You Ain't No Big Thing". Sample lyric: "I gave you all of my money, and you took every dime, I must have been crazy, out of my mind." In fact, her entire Singles Roundup album is a fabulous break up album overall. In fact, I once wrote this about it and I'm sticking to it:

"You see, there comes a time when a girl must put on her go-go boots and face the world again with a renewed sense of purpose. You ran into your ex and his new "friend," and you didn't derive even the slightest hint of satisfaction from the realization that she's totally ugly. You are so over him. The dark clouds have parted, and the pain has mostly disappeared. He's gone, and that's not just OK, it's fucking great. Well, maybe you're not that over him yet, but at least you know you're going to make it. During this final stage of grieving, blues/garage chanteuse Holly Golightly is one tough lady to have by your side. "Virtually Happy", the first song on Singles Roundup (Damaged Goods), is one of the finest break up songs of the decade. Golightly vengefully intones, "Feels like a God has come over me/And made the pain you paid me with ease/ And there's hope/And there's more for me/I ain't ashamed to say/I believe/ That if I ever had you back again/Just long enough to get you back and then/ I'd be virtually happy". It's clear that she's a dame to be reckoned with, though never embarrassed to own up to her mistakes. She doesn't waste time with a lament and neither should you. Get off your ass and talk to that cutie across the room, dammit."

The Best Break Up Advice...EVER!

2005-05-09T20:15:00.000-07:00

Thought we'd share some great advice from a dirty weekender Mom:

>From: "XXX"
>Reply-To: ""X"
>To: "XXX"

>continuation -
>
>Do not dwell on past. PLAN, AND CONCENTRATE ON
>KEEPING YOU SELF BUSY, USE YOUR TIME WISELY., meet
>other people. He is not worth your time anymore -
>don't think if I have done this, this wouldn't have
>happened -wrong thinking! He is the bad one. He can
>crawl hands and knees I won't take him back. He is
>bad seed. It's in his genes. Think positive it didn't
>prolong. Love mom

Does the Honeymoon Suite Come With Complimentary Continental Breakfast?

2005-05-05T15:02:00.000-07:00

From Cynthia with the cool Mom and soon to be Master of Science! Dirty Weekenders reminder: Don't forget to wish Mom a Happy Mothers Day on Sunday!!!

Seeing the posting on www.bust.com brought back a pleasant memory.

A few years ago I went back to the seashore where we (my husband and I) had our honeymoon. I asked for a tour of the high-rise condominium, pretending to be a potential guest. As I explored the different condominiums available, I suddenly realized my ex-husband had leased the smallest one available. I honeymooned in efficiency! For someone making $75K a year it was not a matter of what he could afford, it was a matter of being cheap.

I felt such release, such calm affirmation, and victory in knowing that I am a wonderful, powerful person who deserved so much more than what he chose to give me. I have for the most part completely forgiven and forgotten this man.

On another note - I rejoice in my pending Master of Science degree, and new career awaiting me.

After I lost my job, due to completion of a large construction project, my penny-pinching ex-husband would not allow me to return to college. He said, "I am not going to PAY for YOU to go to school." Now, ten years after my divorce and after a season of financial struggle - I
will be graduating with my Master's degree! It is not the Associate degree, technical training, or teacher certification I had originally planned. (Although, I highly recommend these to break free of dead-end careers!)

You know who encouraged me to reach HIGHER and FARTHER than I could imagine? My mother did.

Is Your Mate A 'Skate?

2005-05-05T12:02:00.000-07:00

From my friend…oh, let’s call her…Debby H…who claims that there is a sure fire test to see if your mate is a ‘skate:

Call on your way home from work and ask your potential moochie if they will pick up something for you to eat for dinner. If they say, “I’m not hungry, why don’t you just pick up something for yourself”, call back in about fifteen minutes and tell them, “Oh, I’m at (restaurant)” -- do you want anything? If they place an order, you know what you’ve got!

Should've Run For The Border...

2005-05-02T14:03:00.000-07:00

I went on a short trip to explore San Antonio with my ex and I was hungry so we finally went to eat something at Taco Cabana. While I got us a table, he went up to the counter to order. I told him I wanted tacos. He came back with several tacos for himself and offered to “split” ONE of them with me. When I expressed dismay at half a taco he looked at me and said, “Well, I didn’t know you were THAT hungry.” I had to buy them myself (and thus, he saved $3).

A Romantic Dinner at Home With Kraft Mac-n-Cheese

2005-04-29T11:19:00.000-07:00

FROM: Grrl Friday

Reminds me of this guy I went out with who invited me to dinner and a movie. Turns out it was dinner at his duplex and the movie? He rentedBraveheart. Dinner was nasty. It consisted of mac and cheese from a box, probably not even Kraft, and the thinnest, roughest, toughest"steaks" I had ever had. Being the polite fake person that I am on the first date, I left some of my food on the plate. He asked, "Aren't you going to finish that? Can't waste it." Blech. At that point I decided,yeah, I'll make out with the guy and I might have sex with him, but I'm not going to do any hard work. I went into my "I've only ever been with my boyfriend" mode. The last time I talked to him he was bragging about taking another girl out for breakfast at McDonald's. I thought, "Take a good look you freak. I just came back from having breakfast at Magnolia Cafe." I guess I have a story where I was cheap, too. I once didn't go out with a guy because he asked me to stop at the store to buy condoms. He said he was broke. Then I remembered I had something to do. But he lived really far away and I didn't feel like going to Walgreens and takingcare of business, you know? I guess that was more a case of laziness than me being cheap.

Have a Coke and a Smile

2005-04-28T15:11:00.000-07:00

We never lived together, but I always kept things in my apartment that my ex could nibble on or drink when he visited. He particularly liked Coke and would often help himself to one, though he never bought them for himself.

I used to buy the 12 packs of Coke. What the hell? They're like what, $3?

He had a key to my apartment but I had always assumed that he didn't let himself in when I wasn't there. He had it because he worked later than me and when he spent the night he'd lock the door behind him the next morning.

I came home one day and noticed that some things were out of place. At first it freaked me out a little...had my landlord been in my apartment while I was out? Why didn't he tell me? I had talked to my ex earlier that day and he didn't make any mention of being in my apartment...

I looked around and nothing seemed to be missing....until....I opened the refrigerator. My Coke 12 pack was now a 9 pack. Hmmmm. I called my ex and asked 'Were you in my apartment today?' He responded, 'Yeah. I wanted to use your high speed service.' Then I asked, 'It's no big deal, but did you drink a lot of Coke?' He responded, 'Yeah. I took a couple with me, too.'

Um, since when was my refrigerator your convenience store?

Thanks To Everyone Who Helped Make This Record

2005-04-28T07:22:00.000-07:00

Long before we broke up, my ex had put together an album. I was so excited about this album that I not only shot hundreds of photos for the cover, but I also PAID for these to be developed by a professional printer.

These photo shoots were done over the course of several weekends. Not only did I give up a good part of my weekends, but I also arranged for us to shoot at a location where we had to get permission ( A HUGE HASSLE - keep in mind this is a photo for *his* album yet I was the one who arrange the shoot), and even baked cookies for the woman who was kind enough to let us shoot at this location.

The album had already been sent off to print by the time we broke up. I knew he had included me in the photo credits and the 'thanks' credits when he sent it off. But when I saw his album a few months ago, I looked at the 'thanks' credits and saw that he went through the trouble of having my name taken off the thanks credits and filled in the space where my name used to be (in a different font) with a custom car group from Switzerland??

Forget that I went to all but two (2) of his many shows, often helped him carry his gear in and out of gigs, arranged and conducted the photo shoots, paid hundreds of dollars in processing AND hooked him up with one of my friends who played on his album. He was MAD! He was going to SHOW ME!! He now had real PUNK ROCK ANGER! So THERE!

The bastard lineage of his rampant immaturity remains a mystery since his parents are kind, giving and classy people. After we broke up, they didn't take me off their Christmas card list.... instead, they wrote me a lovely message and wished me happy holidays.

Where To Find Your Very Own Free-loader

2005-04-27T13:56:00.000-07:00

Jealous? We thought so! Here are a few suggestions about where you can find *your* very own free-loader.

Free food events. Any and all of them. Doesn't matter how boring the event is or how bad the food is, the true freeloader is there with a plate in one hand, cup in the other.

Potluck parties. They'll be the one arriving empty-handed. Hey, no one's going to notice.

Rifling through the half-off cart at the grocery store. It's still good...it just expired last week.

The free movie hour at your local theater. You wanna go out to the movies tonight? Great! How about the midnight showing?

Jukebox Of Sadness

2005-04-26T15:01:00.000-07:00

This is the story I am most bitter about. When good old CHAD and I broke up, there were some money issues. He’d given me $800 (out of the total $4200 I’d paid) towards the down payment of the house we both lived in. He paid $400/month to live in the house (the mortgage was $1200), but not for any improvements or extra shit that needed to be done…after all it was my house, right? Now I might have been cool with this if he had ever lifted a finger to clean, cook, grocery shop, mow the lawn, weed or do laundry. In fact, at the end of our relationship I was so angry I separated out laundry and only did mine. He also only paid for food he thought he should pay for (i.e. the cheaper stuff) . Moving along, one of the first things he mentioned *while* we were in the midst of breaking up was whether or not he would get his $800 back. I just wanted him OUT OUT OUT of the house. He wanted to take our beautiful jukebox with him that we had both paid for, reasoning that this made us “even”. With a “Whatever”, I let it go and honestly, it pains me to this day that I did not stand up for myself. I loved the jukebox. I was the one who researched and bid on it on ebay and dealt with the shipping (a huge hassle). I chose it because my parents had the same exact model and so I had a sentimental attachment. Dumb, dumb, dumb! I wish I could take that fateful decision back. But I was cowed into thinking, “Hey, maybe I should give him his money back.” That’s how twisted my thinking had become! To the ladies and the mens – don’t let this happen to you. Now, I have a bunch of seven inch records with no place to live. It’s sad.

The Yogurt Chronicles

2005-04-26T14:54:00.000-07:00

Okay -- so my ex was in a tight spot financially (or rather indefinitely) and was on the verge of losing his apartment. I lived in a tiny kitchen-less efficiency apartment and still was managing to never have the place to myself (but we’ll save that for another story).

Since he had lapsed on his electric and gas bills, my apartment became THE place to shower, cook, watch cable and basically any normal human functions whatsoever… (all at the loved one discount, of course!)

Eating out for most dinners and lunches (Gasp! I couldn’t bear the thought of my loved one missing a MEAL!) was really putting a damper on my finances, so I decided the best and healthiest option would be to make bag lunches for the workweek and then only eat out on the weekends…..

On our next trip to the grocery store, I bought the usual double-grocery load and rolled my cart up to the dairy section. I was standing in front of the ‘5 for $1 with your Kroger Plus card’ yogurts trying to decide the most nutritious of the bunch for me & my honey, when he rolled up and saw me stockpiling ten.

He immediately got like ‘Why are you buying so many yogurts?’ I explained that I was having to make two lunches a day, five days a week so ten was what we needed.

His eyes welled up with huge tears as he thanked me for taking care of him, again…. The gratitude was sincerely appreciated, but the $2 to pay for the yogurt would have meant more.

Can I Please Wipe and Flush You From My Life?

2005-04-26T12:38:00.000-07:00

From: Jentastic

After dating Kevin for about a month, he showed his cheapness once more. We were at my apartment one morning. I had the day shift at work and he had the night shift and we were parting ways so he could go home and I could go to work. He said “I do need to drop by the office so I’ll follow you. I ran out of toilet paper” I tried to figure out how those two things connected . . . office . . . toilet paper . . . office . . . toilet paper. Couldn’t see the connection so I asked “What does going to work early have to do with toilet paper?” and he said “I need to steal a few roles from the men’s room and then go home”. The idea of other people from work seeing the guy I was dating steal toilet paper for his impending number 2 was too embarrassing to comprehend. I tried to explain that the grocery store was on the way to his apartment and he could just go there and buy some. His reply? “Toilet paper is expensive!” It is? Since when? I tried to reason with him for a few more minutes and that didn’t work. Finally I gave him money to buy his own paper. The idea of a 28-year-old man stealing toilet paper from his office is just too horrible to comprehend.

We soon broke up.

Can You Buy Some Class at K-mart?

2005-04-26T12:29:00.000-07:00

From: Jentastic

No matter how many Lifetime movies or Afterschool specials a girl sits through, there comes a time in her life when she settles for a man who’s not good enough for her. Maybe it’s because she’s horny, drunk, lonely or all of the above, she dates a guy who’s just not 100% right in the head. Or even 60% right in the head.

I dated Kevin (not his real name but I already hate someone named Kevin so I might as well use this as my name for all men I hate—no offense to actual nice Kevins, if you even exist!) for only about 3 months. We worked together and his tales of cheapness were already legendary around the office. Rumor had it that he’d go out for happy hour drinks and say “Hey, why don’t you get the first round and I’ll get the second round” and after the first round he’d say he was using the restroom and never come back. So with a story like that I really can’t say I wasn’t warned. However, a shallow dating pool and nickel beer night will cause you to do strange pathetic things.

Kevin and I went out for our first date after working together for a while. He’d invited me to dinner and a movie. Dinner was at the Steak ‘n Shake. OK, I would have rather gone to a nicer place but it’s not a huge deal, right? There was a definite kitsch value to the dinner at Steak ‘n Shake. Plus, they’re supposedly “famous for steakburgers”. After dinner we drove to the theatre. He said “Do you think you’ll want to get candy or something” and I said “A movie isn’t a movie without candy” so he pulls up in front of the Kmart and says we can get our candy there and then go to the movie. OK, I do this all the time with my friends but on a date? A first date? It’s a little odd. If you can’t afford to take a girl to Olive Garden and buy her some Goobers you probably should just not date for a while. We went into K-mart and he bought himself some candy and a large bottle of water—which he then hid in my purse since the theatre didn’t allow outside food. When we got to the theatre I decided I’d get my own soda but time was running out before the movie started. Kevin forgot his wallet in the car so he offered to take my $5 bill and get me a soda while I use the restroom before the movie. I come out and he’s bought me the kiddie small (a $2.30 value) and KEPT MY CHANGE. AND he was drinking out of my soda!

I have no excuse for the fact that I went out with him again.

I Don't Ever Want to Fight About Money Again (so forget that I owe you)

2005-04-26T11:33:00.000-07:00

My ex's memory is beyond selective. I believe it is pre-programmed. You owe him money? He remembers. He owes you money? He 'forgets'.

I would have been willing to believe him the FIRST time he said he forgot he owed me $150... but when he used that excuse a SECOND time?

I had put a weekend trip on my credit card after we had agreed to split the cost of the hotel. Of course whenever we took any trips we took MY car, but that's another story. So we get home from the trip and he doesn't bring up when he's going to pay me back. Weeks go by. Nothing. My mistake was not addressing the fact that he owed me a little hunk of change. I didn't want to seem 'materialistic' or 'greedy' or that I was 'keeping tabs'. This is not being a 'liberated woman'. A liberated woman (or man) can be generous but also recognize when she (or he) is being taken advantage of and calls it out.

A few months go by and we're sitting around my apartment and he complains to me that his friend hadn't paid him $80 he owed him. I'm seething quietly, thinking to myself how crappy it is that he remembers that someone owes him, but doesn't bring up that he still owes ME.

So we go out that night and he buys me one (1) beer. After we leave the bar, we go to a movie theater where they have waiters and waitresses and you can order food and drinks. I don't order anything, but he orders a bucket of beer (a six pack). I don't drink any of them. When the check comes around he doesn't reach for his wallet. The waiter comes around again. He still hasn't paid. I whisper to him that he should get out his cash so the guy doesn't have to come around again and he says, "Aren't you going to pay this time? I mean, I bought you a beer at the bar...." At this point I implode.

When we get back to my apartment I tell him why I'm pissed: you complain about people owing you money when you owe me money, you make NO mention of when you intended to pay me (if ever), you buy me ONE beer and you expect me to pay for SIX of yours? He tells me, "I forgot. I swear I'll pay you next week. I don't ever want money to come between us again."

To his credit, he paid me back. But he must have forgotten that he used this line before, because a year later he used it again when we took a trip to New Orleans and he 'forgot' to pay me back for the hotel again. Memory. It is a strange thing.

The Ice Man Cometh

2005-04-26T10:30:00.000-07:00

There are so many tales to choose from, but I’m going to start with my favorite. I broke up with ex-boyfriend -- let’s call him CHAD (number one, because I find that name very funny and number two, because it’s one letter away from CHUD) – and we decided he would move out of my house in two weeks. The first thing he did was complain about how he was going to have to live in a one bedroom apartment and…gasp!...have to take on a roommate, in contrast to the pretty sweet arrangement he had with me, paying one quarter of the mortgage, while having someone cook and clean for him (not to mention do all the yard work). Let’s just skip the “what was I thinking” part to the rest of the story. Anyway, I was supposed to feel guilty about his reduced circumstances because he chose to have a shitty job and didn’t make much money. Anyway, he did move out within the deadline and I figured well, that’s that. Then, one day, I went to iron something and it was missing. Odd, I thought. I just figured I put it somewhere else and forgot about it. A few days later, I went into my freezer to get ice and all the ice trays but one were missing. Ok, clearly, I did not misplace the ice trays! Was I going crazy? Then, I got it. CHAD had taken the iron…and the ice trays. I didn’t think I needed to change the locks. He’d been letting himself in while I was at work without telling me. I emailed him and accused him of taking my ice trays. His defense? He needed ice trays! Yes, instead of paying $1 for his own ice trays, he drove all the way to my house to steal them. Does it get any cheaper than that? Well, yes, probably. I had the locks changed the very next day!

Have a good story about your cheap ex? Email it to excheapskate@yahoo.com!

Doesn't Every Girl Want a Cartman for her Anniversary?

2005-04-26T10:16:00.000-07:00

How could I love and hate Eric Cartman so much? How could a stuffed doll cause so much inner turmoil? I am a nation divided against itelf. Allow me to give you the DL:

Our first anniversary rolls around. I'm ecstatic. This is a good sign. We've been together a year now, everything seems to be going well...I wasn't expecting a ring or anything, but maybe something meaningful, thoughtful or somehow significant.

He had me open up some small presents first - a CD, some candy...but when he presented me with 'the big box' I was stoaked. Here is was - the present of meaning or significance. Maybe he fooled me by putting a pretty necklace in a big box? Maybe he made me something? I looked up at him and smiled as I opened the box. I looked down into the box and there he was. The fat bastard of South Park. I frantically asked myself, "Shit! What facial expression do I wear?!?!" I mean, he did give me a present, but a stuffed Cartman? I kissed him, thanked him, put Cartman on my bed for a few weeks then stuffed him in a box in my closet.

On our second anniversary I got a little stuffed polar bear and a few used records.

Two shirts I handstitched for him, a Harman Kardon cd burner, a chromatic harmonia, a large and very cool velvet painting and a beautiful Western suit. What did he manage to buy himself after buying me an equally paltry birthday present? A fifth electric guitar.

Powerbar Struggle

2005-04-26T09:24:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows me knows I love to cook and I especially enjoy sharing my cooking with others. There's something very satisfying about feeding friends, lovers and family. But hey, not everyone likes to cook and that's fine. You can still be generous with your prepackaged or microwavable foodstuffs, right?

I used to cook about once or twice a week for my ex-boyfriend and myself because it was something I liked to do when we were planning on spending the night in. He was always appreciative, but never offered to help pay for the groceries. I was always annoyed by this, but I convinced myself that it wasn't right for me to expect him to offer to help pay for the groceries since I was the one offering to cook (MISTAKE). But then he wouldn't even necessarily offer to pay for my meal the next time we ate out. Here and there, but not as a general rule. I paid for a lot of our restaurant dining.

About a year into our relationship, we were getting ready to go for a hike and I hadn't eaten that morning. I knew he kept a few Powerbars in his otherwise bare cupboard (why would he keep it stocked when he had my pantry and refrigerator to pillage?) so I called out to him from the kitchen, "Hey! I'm taking one of your Powerbars." No big deal, right? He had three bars in there, he never cooked for me, it pained him to pay for my meal when we went out to restaurants so I usually paid. But most importantly, I was hungry and he had food at his place. He came rushing into the kitching from the bedroom wailing, "Nooooooooooooooo!" I turned and looked incredulously at him. He saw my shock and disgust and immediately changed his tune. "Uh...I was just kidding! You can have one!" I shook my head and put the .99 cent Powerbar back.